I am glad I don't have testicles

if you are dumb enough to leave your car unlocked with the keys in the ignition you are basically asking to have it stolen

I am a smart assignment

I am a pretty fairy princess

I don't think many people can say they have been humped by a dolphin

what is the difference between a wig and a weave?

man cave

what kind of crazy person would spend $550 on 3 tulips?

I don't think I have ever seen an actual woman with a cleft chin

The mask is better then the prongs up the nose.

most kid shows are how I would imagine an acid trip would be

I'm not a hardcore over the top patriot but I do think we should be grateful we can do stuff like protest without getting shot.

''If people didn't fart they'd explode.''

I know if something is wrong the first thing to go is the kidneys

Every ability I manage to get back is a big f*** you to the naysayers.

The ducks are so cute

it's a lot of work being a duck

i think we are the exception in the universe not the rule

I figure don't bother worrying about certain things because it is way far off and I couldn't do shit about it

do you really need to declare land ho if you run aground?

air ducts aren't made to support the weight of a full grown adult

what is ketoacidosis?

its almost better then sex

I don't know what it is about sneezing

Out of curiosity, is it a hate crime to beat up a midget?

I like being a smart ass

there once was a person who did something. the end

I defiantly DO NOT miss growing pains

I wonder if ducks get growing pains

The duckies certainly can't replace Dusty (he was such a good cat for a LONG time) but having them makes me happier than I've felt in a while.

isn't the tempanic membrane also called the ear drum?

I don't like geese they are mean

 I have gotten a splinter or 2 from bamboo and IT SUCKED

I absolutely love my duckies.

I wonder if hamsters could actually fit in a toaster

dude midgets and KISS are made of win

if I remember correctly our bodies are about 2 3rds water

they are so damn cute!

I ended up naming the ducks (there's 2) Pinky and the Brain (I can't tell them apart yet).

They're Pinky and the Brain, Pinky and the Brain, one is a genious, the other's insane. They're laboratory mice who's genes have all been spliced, they're Pinky they're Pinky and the Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain

the duckies are so damn cute!

peep peep peep

it is so cute I can barely stand it

I am having trouble coming up with a name for the duck any suggestions

I got a duck today. For those who don't know, ducks have been my favourite animal my entire life.

I got a duck today. For those who don't know, ducks have been my favourite animal my entire life.

I got a duck today. For those who don't know, ducks have been my favourite animal my entire life.

I got a duck today. For those who don't know, ducks have been my favourite animal my entire life.

fish surgery sounds like a band

Sorry if I keep posting the same thing twice

I have a feeling that it would be virtally impossible for me to get car insurance

''Meat tube''

''Meat tube''

''Meat tube''

I bet the professionals don't always like having Mike Rowe around because he must slow things WAY down

I wonder where they got the idea for Dirty Jobs.

I have the easiest way to lose weight

vampires have gone from being a thing of fear to some pretty boys fangirls squeel over

the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry

I really don't give a s*** if you have different beliefs as long as you leave me alone about mine

I have heard that with their owners police dogs can be rather sweet

What is it about being drunk and naked?

I am really glad we don't live in an area prone to gun violence

seeing the stupid crap people do makes me kind of glad i am flop

I am really glad we live in a safe area

who is the vice President?

''The flop heard round the world.''

I think it would be ironic if a cat ate a catfish

I don't understand the appeal of yoga

QUAD BRAIN

Jesus with a mullet

I think if you need to go on a tv talk show to resolve something with a spouse the relationship is already doomed

I wonder what would happen if somebody went back in time and killed Hitler BEFORE the Holocaust

 we are obsessed with time

I love Robot Chicken because it is so ridiculous

I liked Despicable Me. It was silly.

man nipples

it is a little odd how satisfying sneezing can be

it took me a couple of years to earn all those belts in martial arts (12)

How much is a hand full?

Ancient Egyptian history is fascinating.

What language(s) do they speak in the Philippines?

''Your clevage is not a pillow.'' (Michael said that. I thought it was funny because it makes absolutely NO sense.)

I am pretty sure a typhoon is like a hurricane

I think it is funny we keep coming up with special beds when a few thousand years ago people slept on rocks

*monicle*

it is extremely tacky to wear a strapped bra with a strapless dress

I don't remember what the spleen does

42

What is the difference between an alligator and crocodile?

what I don't get is how you can claim to love somebody then beat and cheat and generally treat them like crap

they can rebuild him. they can make him stronger (Buster on Mythbusters. He's a crash test dummy)

I think it is stupid to have a crush on a fictional character

cock a doodle do

it's springtime for Hitler and Germany! Winter for Poland and France! (it's from The Producers)

fish feast!

Do a barrel roll!

I really don't get how racing cars or boats could be physically taxing

how in the world do you land a hot air balloon?

Honestly the commercials where they're like ''there's nothing worse than (something superficial)'' piss me off because there really are much worse things (like AIDS).

If the actors in RENO 911! were actually cops I'd never go to Reno.

what does rotc mean

In Spiderman 3 (as Venom) he has emo hair.

I am pretty sure getting bitten by a radioactive spider would KILL YOU

crabalanch

Things like Cialis, Enzyte and Viagra bring new meaning to the phrase happy pill.

I used my feet kind of like a second pair of hands

what is the purpose of the Eiffel Tower?

the dogs just love the 4th of July (I'm being sarcastic)

it would be excessive to have a tv in the bathroom

me chinese me play joke me put pee pee in your coke

what exactly is cocoa butter?

if you gained enough weight to break a hammock from 1 bite of a hamburger you don't need Subway you need a doctor

it is easier just to cooperate with the cops

I make a point of not bothering to worry about stuff I have absolutely no control over

when you think about it, oxygen is basically plant poop

I have monkey feet

captain horse penis

captain horse penis

the second you are born you don't have a name

I wonder why we celebrate Independence Day by blowing crap up

the birds and the bees analogy doesn't make sense

edible underwear doesn't make sense

you can't take a possible threat seriously if a dog barks at EVERYTHING