I see things I see them with my eyes I see things theyre often in disguise like carrots hand bags cheese

first bird flu then swine flu i think they will run the gamut of flus named after farm animals

here kitty kitty

if I wrote even half of what I think people would be like wtf

I imagine there are a few situations where it is actually OK to run with scissors

 I wonder if you can run with the handle up with scissors

awesome it is Halloween

coolio Halloween is tomorrow

what the hell are the first two kinds? you very well can't be a third kind without two preceding it

yall come back now

Ohio

Ohio

I wonder if people are awake even at like three a m in new york or if the city that never sleeps is just a saying

mighty poopin power rangers

don't we only actually use like ten percent of our brains?

SUPER QUAD

I am the super quad

I am five feet six inches of pure flop

it is just gross if you want somebody to pee on you

I meant agoraphobia not agrophobia I forgot the second a

kill it with fire

I couldn't imagine how scary it would be in a sinking ship

I wonder where the term Davey joneses locker comes from or if Davey jones was a real person

isn't agoraphobia like a fear of trees?

espy ala doscious

I wonder what my iq is

ba dunk a dunk

I wonder just how many galaxies we have discovered

if I respond to comments does it even show up?

Two Years Ago Today

24 October 2007 - Everything changed in an instant.

I have stood on the very spot that her car hit and flipped over. I have sifted through the broken glass on the ground. I have picked up every identifiable remnant from her car, hoping foolishly that it would be the one piece that would fix her. I walked from one side of the ditch to the other. One side she was a bright, happy, vibrant 19 year old with medical school, marriage and a bright future in front of her. The other side of the ditch she was a "very unfortunate young woman" who had a broken neck, split arteries and clots moving up into her brain, starving her brainstem of oxygen, killing cells, dimming dreams. I laid on the ground where she was suspended in her car, strangers trying to put the fire out, breaking windows trying to get to her. I prayed that she was already unconscious and spared the terror of knowing she was trapped and hurt. I have cried silent Thank You's to those who stopped to save her and all who have helped her since.

She has come so far since then - since that lifeless heap, barely alive. She and I finally came to terms that she is never going to recover and go back to how she was before. Anything she does now is because she has learned it all over again, sometimes in a new way. And with that, anything is possible for her. Instead of waiting for some switch to magically flip, she can focus on listening to her body and getting her mind to talk to what is listening. And then teaching it to listen regularly.

Her face no longer twists and deforms when she tries to move it. Her smile is has it has always been since a baby. She mouths the word "mom" silently to me and it encompasses "Thank You", "I Love You", and all good feelings and appreciation she has in the simplest form. She turns her head side to side, laughs constantly and blinks answers to questions with sparkling blue eyes.

We have all changed. We have learned to live with so much less than before. Priorities are different. Fears are different. Hopes are different. But one thing stays forever the same - Sara's tenacity. She has been a feisty little girl her whole life. I underestimated just how strong she truly is. She never realized just how much I love her. We both never knew just how unwavering her brother could be. He has become the anchor for our family - tethering me to the ground when I might be sucked into the tornado above our lives, and holding his sister closely to him, sheltering her from the pieces swirling around in the air. And through it all she never gives up hope. She understands what the medical minds have said and what the data says about her prognosis. But she also has heard so many times that "we know very little about locked-in syndrome, but..." and then they speak the limits as they see them.

I believe in Sara. I'll always make sure she knows what the current information is on her condition, but I will never tell her she can't do anything. I believe in Sara. And if anyone is going to find a way out of this it is her. And she has unlocked some parts already. It makes her so happy that when I crawl in bed with her at night and hug her that she can lift her head and place it against mine - hugging me back. My heart and soul swell with hope and love whenever she does it and makes it easier to get through the next day, and the next.

Who knows what the next two years will hold? I certainly don't. But I do know that I am happy every day she is alive, and she says she is too. She has the best life we can give her in the financial condition we are in. But she has so much love flowing to her she can't help but be happy. And happy is the most wonderful medicine there is.

Thank You, baby girl, for calling out to me in your thougth - for telling me you were alive - for screaming in your thougth for me - that I would hear you and not let them take you - for trusting that your Mother would hear you and save you.

Thank You, everyone, for the endless good thought, support in so many ways (financial, emotional, physical, spiritual) so that I could be there daily with her while she was in the hospital and make a place where we could bring her home. And for being there for us so that we could save her.

no matter how big Gracie gets she really is just a big puppy and I love it

can't sleep clowns will eat me

I don't get asking parents to go online I have never asked mom permission to go online

itd be freaky if a baby had an adult head or vice versa

tenticle rape anyone?

the Stephen hawking voice is creepy

ketchup on pasta sounds nasty

what are the chances of being hit by a flying car

what are the chances of being hit by a flying car

I still freak out just a little if I have an asthma attack because I can't breathe but I calm down much faster

how could you possibly be allergic to stuff made by your own body?

I wonder why Batman won't kill

I think like a fire truck or fire escape or fire hose on fire is just ironic

what possible use could it be if you jumped off a building after somebody in an attempt to save them if you don't have a parachute?

how the hell does counting make you sleepy and what do sheep have to do with sleep?

it would be really really stupid to blow up a nuclear reactor because it would probably fling radioactive material in the atmosphere and bone us all

what are the first two kinds? for a third kind I would think there are more

how the hell do you get rx from perscription?

how the hell do you get rx from perscription?

i think if we knew like the world was going to like blow up what good would evacuating do?

as far as I know its a bad idea to eat most food raw

presentation Jesus

there really is a lot of weird shit on tv

I r super

I think it would be really really funny if I did a hand stand

if there is chance of an impending alien attack what possible use would evacuation serve?

were off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz because because because because the wonderful things that he does were off to see the wizard of oz

it would be really really odd to come across somebody who flunked out of kindergarten

me chinese me play joke me put p p in your coke

why in the world would you jack off a shark?

there is no way to win the game

isn't liberty island a federal no fly zone?

what is the difference between a pandemonic and epidemic?

nasty dog gas

what in the heck

I may be lucid and what have you but they have directly impacted my quality of life

are fencing foils sharp?

if you get double crossed twice is that a quadruple crss?

I think it would actually be counter productive to revive somebody before removing the thing that killed them

I think it would actually be counter productive to revive somebody before removing the thing that killed them

please beneficial a

I can't believe my own father forgot my birthday

Ok. The reason the blog is now private

We have a lawsuit against Caltrans. The ditch that Sara's car flipped in was classed as unsafe back in 2004 and never fixed. Our lawyers have advised us that keeping the blog open gives Caltrans access to information about Sara they don't need and can try and use against her. (lawyers twist lots of stuff.)

I have to ask that if you are now in the private part of the blog that you do not share things or forward any entries outside of this circle. We need to protect her from those who would minimize her injuries and prognosis, or who would harm her being made as "whole" as she can be.

I couldn't take the blog away from her. She has worked so hard to communicate and has come to rely on those people who respond to her posts. She doesn't feel as alone as she did before. She has an outlet, and expression, of her thoughts. I didn't realize how important that was until she explained it to me. It's almost like being trapped in the dark. Her communication is her light, and you are the rays of sunshine that come through the windows to warm her face.

You will now get to see stuff nobody else is allowed to see or know about her. If you can't keep our confidence I ask you to let me know and I will gladly remove you from access.

Kristina

Blog is now Private

We will be moving it to her site in a couple of weeks. Then it will be a forum type where users can also post up things to Sara.

dude

what do they do with beached whales?

I would really really really like some company today. I can stand being alone most of the time but damn if I am lonely on my birthday today

I think a drunk quad could be funny as hell

I wonder if would be allergic to hamster milk. for those who don't know I am lactose intolerant

I wonder if it is okay to run with safety scissors

rocking it nerd style

I would have gone stir crazy if I didn't have this

sorry if that last post came completely out of left field i just wanted to let everybody know in case I offended them

if you don't believe in evolution that is fine just don't lecture me about it

I believe in evolution and think we will always fundamentally be animals and try to dominate one another

we all should know the earth is round by now. you would have to or else you are a complete idiot

being locked in is like being a spectator to your own life but rarely a participant

where the hell does the term four corners of the earth come from? we know now it is round. you would have to be a complete idiot to still think it is flat

my birthday is this weekend awesome tastic

it would be funny as hell if with this I managed to slur my speech

in soviet Russia rocket launch you

quads in space

I think especially when you need other people to care for you you better be nice because they could have just put your ass in a dumpster

it would be funny if black holes took you to like narnia

we have virtually eliminated natural selection. no complaints just an observation

we have virtually eliminated natural selection. no complaints just an observation

we have virtually eliminated natural selection. no complaints just an observation

I need a knot

I'm at the end of my rope. I have load upon load on my shoulders and no matter what I do I just keep getting more. I honestly don't know how I'm going to keep taking it...

I lost the truck again. Funny thing, repo. Once they've come and gotten it and you get it back they can come take it again if you are even late. Live and learn. So, they came and got my truck and now I can't get it back without paying off the contract. Crap. Nice.

And now, I am apparently about to lose the house, too. My own damn fault. I should be out prostituting myself for rent money rather than trying to make an honest living in a screwed economy. I get laid off of a company I believed in because the new "CEO" fancies himself a tech savvy guy and wants all the good ideas to come from him. What a putz. He's a smart guy, but he doesn't know what he doesn't know. Like that I had designed everything he's trying to figure out - him and his little pocket technician. Crap. Nice.

So, I have been late on my rent for the last 2 or 3 months. I don't remember. I get it in, but I've hit the last straw with the landlords. They have a whole extra month of deposit (on top of the first and last normally given). But I have broken every promise to them (which is why I don't promise people. people are always asking you to "promise" when they already know you are not in control of what happens to you on a daily basis. sets you up to fail. Well, I have again, some more.

I owed them 400 more for September by the 3rd of October. Well, I take a kick to the head, get a concussion, and my truck gets reposessed. So, I'm not driving and wouldn't be able to remember where I was supposed to go anyway. I just got a terse voicemail from the owner. If I don't have the rest of september and all of october by the 10th then she's giving me a 3 day notice to pay or quit and I lose the house.

Honestly, if my life insurance would pay in the event of suicide I'd really have to think about it...unfortunately, I've actually read my policy and it doesn't. I couldn't do it to Sara anyway. I've been a daughter who has lost her mother to suicide. That was the hardest one for me out of the 5 suicides in the family. And she's been through enough. Still...I throw up my arms in frustration threaten the sky with it. Then go cry into my dog.

I've gone through my entire house and taken pictures of everything I can sell. I'm sending them to my Uncle Sim so he can have/buy whatever he wants to stay in the family. Yes, its all family stuff. I don't have shit for furniture or household goods other than my kitchen and Sara's stuff. I've been slowly selling off stuff for a couple of years now. I don't mind minimal. More room for art, and pictures, and the wheelchair in more areas. So after uncle looks at pix and picks, then i'm calling an estate liquidator to get rid of everything else and hand me the cash.

I just need to get past this rough spot..this arid desert of financial grit...I'm doing good learning the insurance stuff and will start making money this month, but it is a process. One that will give my family something we really need again...some financial security...and me something I didn't realize I really needed...a place where I am truly a partner (not just a knowledge battery to be used and discarded)and can help take care of other people.

So...I am literally at the end of my rope and I need a knot. I am out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas all at the same time. boo, freaking, hoo. jeez I hate this song...makes me want to smack my head up against the wall until I forget my own name...

pillow over piano

giant floating heads are creepy

you can computer

you can computer

probably the only good thing about having a really bad memory is I get over stuff faster

vitamin dirt

the name freedom fries is ridiculous

thinking about something and acting on it are two different things for example I can think of sky diving but I am afraid of heights so I would never do it

platform shoes with gold fish in them are crazy

I have had to give up practically everything else damn if I have to give up my modesty

I couldn't imagine just how horrible it would be to be alive and conscious during an autopsy

man I hate the shot I would be happy as a clam if I didn't have to have it I wonder how the saying happy as a clam came about

man I hate the shot I would be happy as a clam if I didn't have to have it

if you love what you do youll never work a day in your life

I wonder how the olive branch came to symbolize peace

random words alphabetically

about be certainly definitely easy fact get he indeed job kid life man name of part quality really saying them up very wanted X-ray year zero

stretch neck Jesus

what the hell is a bull weevil?

Blog Changing

The blog is going private. I should have done it before, but was torn. I now have to either do so or take it down altogether.

The format may also change. We can change it to more of a discussion board type, where everyone in the group may post to the blog as well to share stuff with Sara and everyone who watches out for her. Let me know what you think: Blog (she and I write stuff, others comment) or Board (anyone inside the group can post or comment.)

Send your email address to KristinaBaker707 a t gmail.com if you want to be included.

K