The nursing service went to Walnut Creek and evaluated Sara. She lit up when they told her they were there to try and get her home. When the account manager and clinical director get back to Santa Rosa they are going to call me.
Interestingly, almost as soon as they left Walnut Creek the discharge planner called me and said Sara didn't need ICU anymore and they wanted to know if they could move her to Santa Rosa on a regular ward. Needless to say, when she truly IS ok enough to go to a regular ward then I am happy for that. But the doctors tell me one thing, her needs tell me one thing, and the discharge planner are telling me another. Sara's needs trump everyone. So, that is today's sort out.
Even with all the positive going on with bringing her home I am actually just dead inside. After months of wanting more of him in my life and getting less and less, I finally had to let him go do what he's going to do. We've had our issues, as any couple does, but we truly do love each other. I had even gotten OK with some stuff I never would have put up with from anyone before. Just wanted him, and just wanted him to be as open and honest and loving with me as I am with him. He was for a long time, and then other things started happening and it started to fade. I started fighting to keep it, but that seemed to push him away. And when I backed off to give him space, that seemed to push him away too. I couldn't win him back from the issues, no matter how forgiving I was. I guess that's one reason why I'm so sad. Never in my life have I loved a man this much. And I don't want anybody else. I'm his regardless.
I slept on his pillows last night, searching for the merest scent of him...
I adore my children...
and truly love Don...
but I hate my life.
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