Update on the move...

Ok...Sara is stable and ready to move out of the hospital. Unfortunately we continue to run into things that stop it.

First - California Budget. Yes, Governor Terminator doesn't want Sara to come home. He cut MediCAL by 10% across the board, without regard to which programs were hit. Home bound handicap people have lost services to help them survive, the entire healthy families program (prevention to keep kids healthy) is gone, and reimbursements to nurses is cut by 10% and payments delayed until September. All because our lawmakers can't seem to figure out how to do this. Everybody is sure posturing for reelection and position. Putzes...I outta....

Second - Bureaucracy - I've gone through my training, we have all the equipment, and they won't let Sara go until the nursing is in place (understandable) AND NOW not until she goes to 3N. Now, its not hard to remember what happens to her every time she goes up there. She's rushed back down a couple of days later with another bout of raging pneumonia. Dr. Asswipe and I got in a verbal exchange lastnight and he finally said that she doesn't go up there she doesn't go home and he could do that. I finally yelled, fine, do whatever you want with her. He said he was going to move her. I asked if he could AT LEAST wait until I was there. To which he answered, what's the difference. YOu're not here all the time anyway. YOu don't make a difference to her care. I hung up and threw my phone.

Third - Finances. I'm flat broke. The donations from the december concert fundraiser are gone (they made it so I could be off work, with her, and still have a place to live the first three months. absolute godsend...thank you again everyone.) I hate this. I don't like asking, but I really am, asking for more help. We need big help, small help, guardian angel help, good feelings help. I went through my house looking for things to sell...and there really isn't anything left. We're basically down to family heirlooms and the bare necessities.

My paycheck covers rent, tank of gas every 2-3 days to see Sara, car insurance, etc. I can make it squeaking on what I make, without all the driving. But i'm not going to abandon her. I can't. She can't. So, i'm falling behind on some stuff - still have the other half of my house deposit to pay - need materials for the ramp, for the bathroom remodel, clothes for both Sara and Michael (stuff to modify for her, stuff for school for him - he has one pair of pants and one pair of shorts left..). I can't even start to look at getting any rehab equipment, or a bathing chair, etc.

I know i'm whining right now, and people are probably tired of it. I know I am. LOL. This is just crushing some days. I go to see her and she's so bright and beautiful and all she wants is to come home. And my bones feel like lead and i'm getting so discouraged that I am running into so many road blocks, so many obstacles. I know some i've made, to be sure. Finances for one. I've never been good with money until the last 2 or 3 years, so i'm still digging out of prior to that. I wouldn't be doing this alone if I had stayed married to EITHER of my two ex-husbands. So I basically opted for single income child raising in california (what WAS I thinking. :)
...but I'm glad its just me and them... our little family is quite amazing.

I could fill the internet with the If/Then's of past decisions. I know that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I'm just out here trying to figure it all out, trying to get her home and get her better. She doesn't deserve to live the rest of her life in a hospital. She's just a kid. And i'm just a worn out Mom trying to figure out how to bring it all together for her.