Sleepy monday

Sara was really tired today. The extended time in the cardiac chair and the visits this weekend seemed to wipe her out a bit. She only did an hour in the chair today and rested the remainder. The nurse made it sound like a little bit of failure, but I told her that Sara resting was Great!. I still think the nursing staff thinks that I am looking for some miracle, some magical intervention to bring unheard of recovery. I'm not. I understand what this is, and I am happy enough to let her rest when she needs it.

That being said...I was very happy that she tolerated 3 hours upright yesterday. That is quite an undertaking. She's been horizontal for only but a few hours in a month and a half. And don't even get me started about the hand squeeze...

No..when my baby girl needs to rest I recognize it is from working very hard. It always has been. I can only imagine how hard she is working now...but i have seen from where she started on the day of her stroke, and am amazed. Nothing major or miraculous by medical standards, but plenty of stuff they said she couldn't do, and would never be able to.

On another front...I started packing up her room tonight. I have to do it. She's never going to come home to this apartment. And everytime I walk past her room, and see it so hollow from her absence, it makes me ache. It has become the hardest thing I do each day, walk past her room. And, it is unavoidable since it is right next to mine. I find myself standing in the doorway, looking at her world and knowing it will never be the same. I have absolute faith in Sara, but it makes me so sad to see her room as if she just left for work and will be home after seeing Daniel after school...

So, I started packing up her room. I took pictures of how everything was setup. I know how much she likes to unpack and arrange her room. So, I am going to take the stuff down from the walls, and set it aside so we can decorate her next hospital room. And when she is able to finally come home, she can direct us where to put everything else to her liking. I won't pull it out of the boxes and set it up for her in advance. She loves to think about where to put things, and to decorate. I couldn't mimic her style...and she's let me know that many times before.

Daniel was here while I got started with it. He understands where I'm coming from and seems ok with it, too. He watched me carefully place her stuff in plastic boxes so nothing gets dirty or damaged. And he took a couple of her more private things for safe keeping close to him. I thought it was ok, but will also let Sara know. Check with her to make sure its ok...

I hope her sleepy day does her well, and she also rests well tonight. I know the staff now looks forward to working with her more. They are glad to see her participation, and it certainly helps her to now have some tasks to do. (although i've been giving her tasks all along...she has to do them for staff)

It's raining outside. Has been off and on since last night. We love rainy nights. I would seldom let her drive in the rain and we'd stay home and frequently end up talking. The house is way too quiet without her here. It makes the rain sound so much louder...